Sometimes Life Feels Like A Storm

          I used to spend time during the summers with my brother and sister-in-law back when I was in high school.  There was one summer that will always be one of my favorite memories with them.  I stayed about 2 months and I got to spend some really special time with my niece as she was growing up.  This was back when my sweet niece, Lucy, was still being rocked to sleep and learning how to talk.  Every time she went to sleep there was a CD by Plumb that Paula-Beth had for Lucy to listen to.  Over that summer I rocked Lucy to sleep countless times and grew to love that CD.  At first, every time I listened to it, it reminded me of the love Paula-Beth and Michael had for Lucy.  They were my inspiration growing up and really they are the reason I started dreaming of one day being a parent.  I got to watch them raise this precious girl and I was lucky enough to lend a hand every once in a while. 

          Later on, I started picturing my love for my future children when listening to the CD.  Me and Joey have known we've wanted children from the very start of our relationship.  I remember a time when we were only together a couple of months and we talked about parenting and how excited we were to have kids in the future.  We thought it would be so easy. 

          Now, today, I listen to this album and hear God speaking to me.  I am not in an area of strength...

          Many people don't know this, but the last time I was pregnant I bled heavily for about 1 month before they told me there was no heartbeat and I had to have a D&C.  My levels were still going up and it looked like a normal pregnancy aside from the bleeding.  Along with that I had extreme morning sickness which was actually all day sickness.  I threw up so much that I injured my back and had red dots all over my face from popping blood vessels.  I could not eat hardly anything. 

          I am experiencing the beginnings of similar symptoms.  I am so weak both physically and mentally. 

          I do not question the future for God has a plan.  But, I have no idea what this path holds and I need prayer for me and Joey. 

          I appreciate every single person who has prayed for us and helped us.  Thank you so much.  We have such a wonderful support system. 

          "Clouds will rage and storms will race in, but you will be safe in my arms."

          These are the words from the song In My Arms by Plumb that keep me going.  I know I'm in God's arms.  I know He is protecting me and I know if we do miscarry that He will hold me tight.

In the Hands of God

          It has been a rough road for me and Joey.  We started trying to get pregnant as soon as we were married, which legally was September 23, 2011.  We found out we were pregnant the night before our wedding ceremony in December and miscarried only a couple of days later.  It was an extremely difficult loss for us as we never thought it would happen to us.  The doctor reassured us that it is very common to miscarry a first pregnancy so we continued trying.  A year later we found out we were once again pregnant. Looking back, Joey and I remember saying that we trusted in God no matter what, but I don't think we really did.  We didn't expect to lose another so when that happened at 9 weeks we didn't handle it well behind closed doors.  I think we handled it better than someone without God, but if we had just trusted God throughout everything then we would have given that pain directly to him and been able to move forwards a lot faster.  The second loss really was the most difficult one.  Not only emotionally, but also physically.  But God has a plan.  Those losses have connected me with other women and given me an experience very few can understand.  I'm happy to be able to help others work through their grief of miscarriage.  

          ALL that being said.... WE ARE PREGNANT AGAIN!!  And this time it just feels different.  I'm not scared.  Joey's not scared.  No matter what happens we are trusting in God to lead the way.  Yes, it is very possible we could lose another baby.  But, if that happens then we have the support system we need and the leader of that support system is God.  I haven't gone to a doctor yet, but I'm around 4-5 weeks. VERY early.  We normally would wait to announce, but we figure this time we want our friends and family to walk this road with us every step of the way.  We would appreciate prayer as well!! 

          And, yes... Joey has only been home for a couple of weeks.  I am still measured at about 4-5 weeks though.  I won't go into the details in case guys are reading this, but it is not measured from conception date. Many of you ladies should know this so I won't explain anymore. We have been asked this question a lot surprisingly. haha

          We are extremely excited!  The only thing I have to be nervous about is moving either while pregnant or with a newborn since we have no clue when we will be leaving here.  But, even then I am not all that nervous.  Giving the worry to God and actually enjoying being pregnant right now!